Mental Health Association Recovery Stories In Cattaraugus County

Recovery Stories

This is a recovery story that I did for our website. I am really putting myself out there because I want others to know they are not alone. Awful things happen to children, and then they grow up so confused and messed up, believing it was their fault. The guilt that goes along with it just isn’t right. I am hoping I can encourage others with my story to get help, and to give them hope of recovery. If you are interested in telling your recovery story, please email me at sswoods.mhacc@verizon.net.

Hi, my name is Shelly Woods and I would like to welcome you to our recovery story webpage. Here is a picture I would like to share –it is the only one in existence of Shay.

As you look at her, let me tell you about this little girl. Her family called her Shay and she first tried to kill herself at the age of 4. In this picture she is ten years old. She had already been sexually abused from the age of 2 months by her biological father. She was raped by an Uncle when she was nine years old. Her parents wouldn’t press charges because he was family. She spent two weeks in the hospital in shock. When she was released, she had to go to this same Uncle's house for a picnic. She sat in the car as long as she could before she was physically dragged by the hair of her head into his house. Her mother told her to stop being a little bitch and behave. She had been physically and emotionally abused so much that by her tenth birthday, she had learned not to show emotion. She shut everything down inside. She couldn’t show her feelings or her parents would use them to abuse her some more. I tell you this so you can understand but not pity her. For Shay is dead. She became me. Where she was weak and keeps the secrets in her home, I am strong and tell what happened to her. She was powerless and I am empowered. She was ashamed. I place the shame where it belongs. She was terrified. I am facing her demons. She was unloved. I am loved. I am a survivor of incest and sexual abuse, as well as physical and emotional abuse. I have seen things and done things no human being let alone a child should see or participate in. I have been healing for many years from the abuse that occurred and will continue to do so. The scars I have are mostly on the inside....and my heart, mind, and soul have been challenged. I am rising to the challenge....

I've been to the "black hole," attempted suicide, hated the world, felt so hopeless and helpless that suicide was my only answer, however, I'm happy to say I am still here today to tell you about it. I wouldn't dare say I am fully healed, (don't think I will ever be), there are plenty of ghosts in my bedroom, mind, and in my flashbacks, but I'm O.K. today and that's what counts.

The biggest hurdle for me was to realize that it WASN'T MY FAULT!!!!!! I don't have to take any of the blame, I was a child, he was the adult, period.......

I refuse to give any more of my power to my perpetrator. He took the first 17 years of my life BUT I just gave him the next 18 years by being afraid of him. He will not get another second from me, and it kills him. He has no more power over me-I am no longer a victim. He did his best to beat me down and destroy me, but guess what: I survived. I am stronger than he will ever be and that is my power. I tell what happened to me so that others will not feel alone as I did.

It is vital that we stop calling ourselves VICTIMS, and instead see ourselves as SURVIVORS, then Thrivers; for only then can we truly heal. Take your power back, become a SURVIVOR!!! Get out there and get free....you can do it. You too came become a Thriver. You need to heal for yourself. Revenge is not necessary. You deserve life....and you deserve to live fully and richly. Don't give any more of your energy to the ones who hurt you. Rather, get out there and be an example for other survivors....prove to yourself and others that with support, love and self-nurturing, you can heal.

Even with all the grief and loss and betrayal I’ve experienced, I wouldn’t trade my life with anyone. I’m finally becoming someone I like. I’m finally becoming someone I can be proud of inside.

FORGIVE YOURSELF, SPEAK OUT, SPEAK UP, ASK FOR HELP, LOVE YOURSELF, and then LET IT GO!! There comes a point when you’re more important than your past. Your future is full of possibilities; dust the cobwebs off of those old dreams and goals, then reach for your star. It is your turn to shine.